The Hard Work of Community
We're so good at making money. Or so good at trying, at least. We work more hours per week than any society on earth, ever, so that we can bring home the paycheck. The principle of hard work for hard-earned cash is sunk deeply into our paradigms even before we can pronounce 'paradigms.'
But here we are, checks banked, enough money to buy all that we need and more, and not satisfied. Here we are, distracted and isolated. Here we are, lonely. So terribly lonely.
Loneliness, I've recently discovered, is nothing more (or less) than the desire for community. Some will tell you that it's the need for romance or marriage or sex. But it's not, not this deep, pervasive loneliness, the one that feels like the inexpressible inside of you is shouting silently. That one is the desire for a rich, vibrant, deep community.
This community only exists when a group of people decide that they are going to love each other. That's what the church is. Remember what Jesus said about spotting his followers? You'll know them by their love for one another.
But this kind of community doesn't come easily. Most people seem to think (I know I did) that if they're relatively nice, normal, perhaps even interesting people then community will rush along and embrace them and they will be satisfied. But it doesn't come. It's never as rich as they know it ought to be, as they need it to be.
That is because, just like working year after year to build wealth, it takes sacrifice and commitment to build community. It takes a thousand little tasks - scheduling time to converse, asking questions, washing someone else's dishes, giving rides to the airport. And it takes major paradigm shifts - I'm responsible for your well being, your needs are as important to me as my own. And until we are ready to do the hard work of community we will remain rich and lonely, wondering why our paychecks can't hold a decent conversation.
For those of you who have agreed that the church as we see it on Sunday mornings is not all that it could be, I have no proven answers. What I do have is a direction that I'm headed, and that I'm confident will lead us closer to the lifestyle that Jesus taught. And that is the direction of deeper, more committed community. The direction of more love for one another. I don't presume to know what that looks like in all contexts, or your context, or even my own half the time. But I challenge you to begin doing the hard work of community. I have a hunch it's going to pay off better than any paycheck I've ever gotten. (Though that's not saying much.)
But here we are, checks banked, enough money to buy all that we need and more, and not satisfied. Here we are, distracted and isolated. Here we are, lonely. So terribly lonely.
Loneliness, I've recently discovered, is nothing more (or less) than the desire for community. Some will tell you that it's the need for romance or marriage or sex. But it's not, not this deep, pervasive loneliness, the one that feels like the inexpressible inside of you is shouting silently. That one is the desire for a rich, vibrant, deep community.
This community only exists when a group of people decide that they are going to love each other. That's what the church is. Remember what Jesus said about spotting his followers? You'll know them by their love for one another.
But this kind of community doesn't come easily. Most people seem to think (I know I did) that if they're relatively nice, normal, perhaps even interesting people then community will rush along and embrace them and they will be satisfied. But it doesn't come. It's never as rich as they know it ought to be, as they need it to be.
That is because, just like working year after year to build wealth, it takes sacrifice and commitment to build community. It takes a thousand little tasks - scheduling time to converse, asking questions, washing someone else's dishes, giving rides to the airport. And it takes major paradigm shifts - I'm responsible for your well being, your needs are as important to me as my own. And until we are ready to do the hard work of community we will remain rich and lonely, wondering why our paychecks can't hold a decent conversation.
For those of you who have agreed that the church as we see it on Sunday mornings is not all that it could be, I have no proven answers. What I do have is a direction that I'm headed, and that I'm confident will lead us closer to the lifestyle that Jesus taught. And that is the direction of deeper, more committed community. The direction of more love for one another. I don't presume to know what that looks like in all contexts, or your context, or even my own half the time. But I challenge you to begin doing the hard work of community. I have a hunch it's going to pay off better than any paycheck I've ever gotten. (Though that's not saying much.)
posted by James at 22:57
6 Comments:
I feel like more and more we desire real community but we are still unwilling to make some of the sacrifices needed. I have seen community close to this, in San Diego, but it only lasted a scant nine months, and then...gone. True community is so elusive. We want it but are unwilling to achieve it, as a society, even as a church.
I agree. Community is hard. Loving another as yourself is hard. I think this microwave society we grow so accustom to makes us think that we can have anything we want, the way we want it, NOW. Then we realize loving and living with others doesn't work this way.
We want the whole 4 course meal, but it doesn't taste so good after 30 seconds in the microwave.
I've found the best way is usually the hard road, and it's usually longer than I expect (or want). But if I want the best, I better commit.
You hit the nail on the head. We forget that the validation and the comfort and the meals and rides to the airport are given to us at someone else's expense. Someone had to sacrifice for us and we're called to do the same for them.
I think we also forget that people are messy. They annoy you, hurt your feelings, do stupid things and can generally be unlikeable. It only comes with that radical shift of paradigm that you start looking outside of yourself and loving the unloveable.
I've been part of a Bible study for 3 years now and it has taken a good 2 years for me to enjoy being around one of the members. Two years! It was a weekly struggle to love when it wasn't fun or easy or reciprocated. Even more surprising is that now she's the first one to call when I'm sick, the first to congratulate me and the first to drop everything to help. It didn't happen overnight. It took "sacrifice and commitment" on both of our parts. And it's radically changed the way I view relationships.
Rachel
Hey Mike! Great to hear from you man. True community is elusive, indeed. I'm learning more and more that community (and many things in life) takes commitment above all. Only upon a foundation of our commitment will it be solid. Mike, what was so fulfilling about the community you had in SD?
Trisha, loving others definitely doesn't work like a microwave! I've heard a couple people now mention our expectation of instant gratification as an obstacle to community. I have to agree! And you bring up the same idea of commitment, that I mentioned above... so key!
Hey Rachel! Great point about messy people. I have a couple of stories much like yours - people who I couldn't stand, and who couldn't stand me, who are now great friends. There is a lot of personal, emotional, psychological work that goes into loving people.
So what do we do next? How do we make the community we're talking about? How much commitment is enough?
There is a post over at Christianity Today by John Ortberg, pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian Church.
I don't agree with everything he says (I'm struggling with his assertion that friendships can't be "made" to happen...I'm mulling it over, but it doesn't seem right), but I love this quote:
I need to work and grow and hone my abilities and add value to the world. But mostly, I think, I need friends. My friends are those people, those few and mysterious people, who love me for no reason at all. Which is the only really good reason to love.
Aaron, thanks for the link and the quote. I think I do agree that friendship can't be forced - largely because it takes reciprocity. But I think that is where Trisha's comment is so insightful - that though friendship can't be forced, love expressed in the committed pursuit of community can break down a lot of walls over time, and friendship can be made possible where it might have seemed impossible.
Interesting how closely the writer ties friendship to love, and to God. Friendship and community are really closely tied.
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